I can't
by Kumiko-kun
Summary: Roy remembers the times when he used to laugh and have fun hanging out with his subordinates, but after a tragic accident that all changed. Those times are gone and all he has left is the memories and they are slowing fading away. Songfic! Please R


Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or the characters or the song used for this!! Btw song is "broken by seether and amy lee." You could listen to that while reading it. Might give it a good effect

Warning: Slight hint to yaoi but take this story how you want ^_^

Summary:Roy remembers when the times when he used to laugh and have fun hanging out with his subordinate, but after a tragic accident. The times are gone and this is how he remembers him. Please be nice this is my first song-fic type story!!

The beginning is a little prologue sort of deal for the story in third person.

The rest of the story will be in first person I think. ^_^

**I Can't….**

By: Kumiko-kun

The sky grew darker as the sun began to set behind the horizon, leaving the cemetery dark and lonely. Hundreds of tombstones stood within the gates of the cemetery. Fallen victims of war and sickness lay buried beneath feet of dirt to never rise again. Families broken apart by the eras of endless fighting slept there, only to leave behind more hatred and fighting. Friendships were torn apart and forgotten through time, though some still remembered the times when their loved ones lived and were happy. Some just couldn't forget…

Ed…

_I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away  
_

Every time I come to see you, I can't help but think it's my fault you're here. I should have been there for you but I just couldn't get to you fast enough. I keep remembering the way you were when you were alive and here with me. How you always got angry with me when I insulted you and how you laughed whenever I felt completely useless. I completely messed up out there. Why couldn't I find you in time?

_  
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

Every time I see you in the pictures they keep up in the office, I feel guilty for what I did to you. Reminding me of what I lost so long ago. You meant so much more to me than they realized and now I can't do anything about it.

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away  
_

Each time I sit here in front of this stone that holds your place in the world now, I feel so lonely. I can't see you smile anymore. The guilt fills me up and I regret not being able to save you on that day.

_  
You've gone away, you don't feel me, here anymore  
_

You're gone and I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I'll never again get to see you again, your smiles are gone to me and you laughter is only a memory.

_  
The worst is over now and we can breathe again  
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away  
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain  
_

Memories are good though, right? It means that I haven't forgotten you in all these years. Though my pain is still here, the days seem to slip by easily without so much of a though. I know the others are worried about me but I keep you off of my mind. I remember all the times that we held each other up when one of us got down about something and needed someone to be there for them. Will I ever be able to find that again?

_  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away  
_

I'll tell you, it's the hardest at night. I hear your screams in my sleep and it keeps me awake at night. When I open myself up to others I think of you and what it did to me when you went away. I don't think I can do this anymore without you here to help me. I already lost Hughes and you were the one to help me when that happened. I don't think I can do this.

_  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away  
_

My dreams are riddled with your voice, your laughter and your face. All I see and hear is you. I don't feel like myself anymore, Ed, I want you back.

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away  
_

It hurts so much, Ed. My chest is tightening again, the memories tear me up inside. Please tell me that this is all a dream, a horrible nightmare. I'll die without you to keep me from doing something stupid, I need you here.

_  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

_  
_Ed, please come back. My tears won't stop this time; I've held them back too long. When will I see you again, Ed?

_You've gone away  
You don't feel me here anymore_

I'm starting to forget what it feels like to have you around, Ed. I don't want that. Your voice, Ed, its fading. I want to remember everything about you, for my sake. The warmth that you gave off whenever you were around, the cheerfulness that filled the room when you were in a good mood, it's gone within me.

You've left me. I'm forgetting what it feels like and the tears just won't stop. I can't go on like this anymore, Ed. I'm not strong enough… Not anymore…

_Fin_

A/N: okay, this is my first song fic so please read and review it ^_^ I will love you forever if you do!!


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